Social isolation is an unfortunate reality for many autistic individuals. Difficulties in forming connections, social anxiety, and self-isolation are common experiences. However, these challenges are far from being an inevitability—it's entirely possible to be autistic and lead a fulfilling social life. Let's delve into this issue and explore ways to form meaningful friendships as an autistic person.

Why Are Autistic People More Prone to Isolation?

Autistic individuals are often described as solitary—and not necessarily unhappy about it. The popular stereotype depicts an autistic person absorbed in their passions, living peacefully in their own world without feeling a strong need for deeper connections. While this cliché isn't entirely unfounded, it doesn’t capture the full picture: autistic individuals are indeed more likely to be isolated than the general population.

However, being content in one’s life doesn’t necessarily equate to being socially fulfilled. An autistic person who lives "in their bubble," focused on their own needs, may be perfectly satisfied with their routine. This doesn't mean they don’t aspire to form deeper connections, whether in friendships or romantic relationships.

This idea was further supported by a 2022 study that analyzed existing research on the subject, concluding:

"Loneliness and the desire for social connection are universal human experiences, regardless of whether a person is autistic or not. […] The effects of loneliness on autistic adults are similar to those experienced by the non-autistic population."

In short, loneliness causes the same emotional pain for everyone, whether autistic or neurotypical. So why are autistic adults so often socially isolated?

Social Challenges as a Core Aspect of Autism

Autism is often described in diagnostic frameworks and psychiatric settings as a predominantly social condition. The term "deficit" in communication and social interaction is frequently used. However, advocacy groups often push for these differences to be seen as divergences rather than deficits.

Regardless of terminology, the outcome is similar: the mismatch between autistic individuals and the broader population, combined with common challenges in interpreting implicit communication, often complicates social connections.

For instance, an autistic person might struggle to start a conversation or maintain social bonds. They may dislike phone calls and feel pressured when responding to messages. These everyday social rituals, which are fundamental to building relationships, can become significant barriers.

Conversely, some autistic individuals may exhibit the opposite behavior, overcompensating with excessive attention. They may send too many messages or constantly reach out to someone they want to befriend, potentially coming across as clingy or making others uncomfortable.

Difficulties Navigating Social Norms

Beyond maintaining relationships, autistic individuals often face challenges with non-verbal social cues and everyday tasks. Even seemingly simple scenarios, such as taking the metro for the first time or meeting a friend, can become a series of small hurdles:

"If I’m meeting someone at a bar, should I wait outside or go in? How will I know if they’re already inside? Should I offer to buy them a drink or not? How do we greet each other—a kiss on the cheek, a handshake? Will I seem odd if I ask?"

These uncertainties and common social missteps can contribute to significant social anxiety, especially if others point them out.

Social Anxiety: A Common Companion for Autistic Individuals

Social anxiety frequently co-occurs with autism. It’s not an inherent "symptom" of autism but rather a mental health condition that develops from constantly trying to adapt to a world that operates differently.

As discussed in our article on social anxiety, this condition often manifests as avoidance. Fear of attending a party might lead to skipping it entirely. Uncertainty about interacting with a group may result in ignoring invitations. Over time, this avoidance can lead to severe isolation and "social rustiness," creating a vicious cycle that’s hard to break.

The Difficulty of Building Social Circles

Social connections often arise through existing relationships. People make friends with acquaintances of close friends, meet others at work, or integrate into their partner's social circle.

For those who are unemployed or without romantic relationships, these typical pathways to socializing may be unavailable. This is often the case for autistic individuals, contributing to their isolation. However, this isn’t an insurmountable obstacle, as we’ll see below.

How Can Autistic People Meet New People?

What steps can autistic individuals take to foster new relationships? Acknowledging and accommodating one’s unique needs can simplify this process.

Managing Social Anxiety to Open Up to Others

For those paralyzed by social anxiety, making the first move can feel overwhelming. Addressing this anxiety requires a gradual approach.

For example, if meeting someone at a noisy bar feels daunting, attending a crowded event full of strangers might not be the best starting point. Instead, choose familiar places and established acquaintances. Having a sense of familiarity can reduce anxiety.

If social anxiety severely hinders your ability to meet new people, seeking therapy from a professional can provide strategies to manage and reduce it.

Making Connections Through Special Interests

"When they talk about their interests, they come alive." This phrase applies to many autistic individuals, who become animated and articulate when discussing their favorite topics. Their social discomfort often fades, making interactions more manageable.

To form friendships, it can help to seek out people who share your interests. This approach reduces the anxiety associated with meeting new people and provides a familiar context.

Forums, associations, and other groups focused on specific interests can be excellent starting points for entering an established social circle in a less stressful environment.

Learning Certain Social Norms

Contrary to some advice, the key to relationships for autistic individuals isn’t rigidly conforming to implicit societal expectations. Masking or playing a role isn’t a sustainable way to feel accepted, and the psychological toll of masking is well-documented.

That said, learning certain social norms—without changing your personality—can facilitate interactions. Simple skills like shaking hands, navigating a restaurant, or approaching someone can make socializing easier. Additionally, being open about your social challenges can help smooth over future misunderstandings.

Connecting With Other Autistic or Neurodivergent People

We’re often drawn to people who think like us and view the world similarly. It’s no coincidence that these connections feel safe, allowing for emotional openness.

Meeting other autistic or neurodivergent individuals can foster shared understanding and help bypass some societal expectations tied to neurotypical norms.

It’s also comforting to be part of a social group that communicates directly, expresses genuine thoughts, and skips small talk. Local associations, support groups, or online communities are great places to find like-minded individuals.

Using Dating Sites and Forums

Dating platforms, like Atypikoo or Hiki, enable users to connect with people who align with their preferences. Writing, rather than speaking, often feels more comfortable for autistic individuals and removes the pressure of immediate responses. These platforms also allow for initial connections before planning in-person meetings.

Online relationships can be just as meaningful as in-person friendships. For autistic individuals, the internet can serve as a refuge where they connect with compatible personalities—potentially leading to real-life meetings.

Conclusion

Being autistic doesn’t have to mean being isolated. While social challenges are significant, it’s possible to navigate them by recognizing and addressing individual needs.

This journey often involves learning certain social skills and employing adaptive strategies. Building relationships with people who share similar experiences can also foster meaningful connections. By creating a secure environment, autistic individuals can embrace social interactions that align with their unique perspectives.

Publié par David Atypiker

I decided to create the social network Atypikoo to support the well-being of neurodivergent individuals and help them connect for both friendships and romantic relationships. With a deep passion for psychology, biohacking, and mental health, I am dedicated to sharing my knowledge to assist those who have a unique way of functioning
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